I had a dream last night. I dreamt that everything I cherish was stripped away from me, almost like Job, in the old testament. In the midst of this despair and confusion a man stood before me, bare footed long hair and a long beard, clothed in tattered rags. His eyes were piercing looking straight into me as he said " I want you to come with me. I want you to meet God."
I was scared yet I followed him. Why was I scared? I believe God to be kind, loving merciful and compassionate. Not harsh judgemental or unforgiving. So why was I scared? Was I scared because I was guilty? How often has guilt stood in my way of wanting to meet with God? As the Psalmist wrote, "you know my every thought." God has promised if I confess he will forgive, maybe I need to forgive myself.
The beggar took me inside me, to look at myself as I really am; not giving God the glory and credit for all the things that go well in my life; the sometimes seeming unsurmountable obstacles that I overcome then I sit back and think just how good I am, forgetting that when I was faced with them, I asked "Father help me." He helps me. So why dont I acknowledge it and give thanks? Am I taking God for granted? How often do I do this in my daily life with people,not giving credit for the good things they do, noticing only what is wrong?
It occurred to me I am not trusting Him in the smaller problems in honesty and humility, yet fall and beg for His intervention when faced with major problems. More in desperation, than in faith; more with a sense of entitlement than by grace. A last resort, even then busy with a backup plan. If I had gone to God first for guidance and waited on Him I wouldnt have gotten into the mess in the first place. What stops me from going to God first? Is it the macho in me, I can handle it no sweat attitude? I hate asking for help; I hate accepting help.
I looked around for my guide, he was gone, I was alone with myself and before I could go anywhere or do anything I would need to go to God.
I look at my plans my goals short term long term, ever heard the expression? "so much for plan A" Well I have long time passed plan Z. The reason why they are not working is I cant see God in any of them, I can see plenty of me and what I want and nothing of what God wants. Having trashed the plans and goals and waiting on God not out of desperation but in line with Matthew chapter six, not only does Jesus teach us to pray but He also gives us the key for christianity to be a lifestyle in verses 33 and 34.
N.S.V. "But see first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow for tomorrow willbe anxious for it self sufficient for the day its own trouble."